Every couple is different, and there are a million little things that can contribute to a happy, healthy relationship. Only you and your partner really know where your relationship stands and what your future may hold, but, there are certain important shared values every relationship should have in order for a couple to make things last. According to Fran Greene, relationship coach and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting and Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, “Sharing values is crucial for a relationship to thrive and grow.”
“Shared values are the ‘superglue’ of all relationships,” Greene tells Elite Daily. “Think of shared values as the foundation of your home. The foundation is crucial for your house (relationship) to grow and get better with time,” she explains. “Shared values keep you together during the difficult times and it will bring you joy during the high points of your relationship. Although values can be tweaked, they cannot be changed. They define who you are. Couples must share similar values, otherwise they will live in perpetual disappointment and resentment.”
But what are some values that you and your partner should share in order to have a solid foundation? They’re more complex than you might think.
1. Trust
It might sound obvious, but Greene maintains that “Trust is to love as air is to breathing — without trust a relationship will die.”
If you and your partner struggle with trust, it might be something you two can work on, Greene says. “The happiest couples trust their partners totally and completely,” she expands. “They do not second guess their actions, motives or plans for the future. Couples who trust each other have more fulfilling relationships because they can do things independently and feel safe and secure when their partner is engaging in an activity that they are not a part of.”
Trust is such an important value for couples to share, Greene says, and it can make a world of a difference.
2. Commitment
Additionally, it’s important for couples to have a solid understanding of “monogamy versus polyamory,” life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily. Having those “shared values are crucial for couples to establish so they can determine if their world views are aligned,” Rubin adds.
It would be a major bummer to become invested in someone before learning they don’t believe in monogamy and you do. As Rubin says, it’s important to agree on this value in any relationship.
3. Your lifestyles
Another important value you and your significant other could benefit from sharing comes in the form of your lifestyle choices. “Is one of you a die-hard city person? Another prefer suburban life?” intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, Diana Dorell, tells Elite Daily. “Entrepreneur vs. nine-to-fiver?
You and your partner don’t have to be carbon copies of each other, but how far are you willing to compromise on things, like where you live, and how you spend your weekends? When your lifestyles align, your relationship can become so much more enjoyable.
4. How you deal with conflict
“Clear communication and a desire for personal growth,” is a huge value that’s important for couples to share, Dorell says. For instance, “Do you value personal development and want a partner who is also desiring growth and open to change?” More, “How do you handle conflict?” Dorell presses.
“If one of you tends to be the rock and the other more suited to intuitively feeling out situations, that could work,” she says. “If you are both used to being the rock or space holder and never opening up, that could pose a problem.”
5. Future plans
Finally, Dorell says that a huge value you should agree upon is that of family. “Do you want children?” she says. “How do you see them being raised if so? Also, how important is visiting extended family and immediate family involvement in your everyday life? Family is a huge factor in some cultures so being on the same page with this will alleviate a lot of unnecessary stress.”
Again, every relationship is different, and some of these values might not seem as important to you as they may to other couples. But having shared values really can bring couples closer, and has the potential to make relationships even stronger.